For that special guy ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuL0SJiAOcM&ob=av3e

Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I don't know what to do with myslef anymore. All your life you grow up being taught to be 'who you are' be 'yourself'. But when you do exactly that.... You get judged? I just don't get it. They tell you all of this but then expect you to be exactly how that want you to be. Well I am sick of it. I am sick and tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm putting my foot down. This is me. Alison Kate Leatham. I make mistakes...but I learn from all of them. I have a belly ring. I have a tattoo. I don't attend church. And no, I'm not just "going through a phase". I was "going through a phase" from the age of 12-18. I don't eblieve in the gospel, so I'm not going to pretend that I do. Everyone tells me that I am doing this because I want to have fun with my life but feel like I can't while I am involved in the gospel because of the standards and rules. They think I am bein this person because its 'easier'?? NOT EVEN CLOSE! It would be SOOOO much easier if I believed in the LDS gospel. The people who do are happy and knwo what they want in their life. They know their purpose. I wish I believed because then I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't be confused with who I am and where I am going in my life. One thing though... I'm not booting this gospel out just yet. Right now I am just taking a step back to see what I believe and not what I have been taught to believe. I need to find it out for myself. So right now I am seeking. I'm looking. I'm searching. I'm waiting. Patiently.

Fairytales?

You know how when you were a litle kid and you believed in fairytales? That fantasy of what your life would be: white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a big castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, Prince Charming. They were so clsoe you could taste them. But, eventually you grow up. One day you open you eyes and the fairytale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people that they can trust. But the thing is... It's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because most people have that tiny bit of hope and faith that one day, they will open their eyes and it will all come true.

My Sisters Wedding Poem

This tradition started with my Grandpa on my Dads side. He wrote a poem for all of the kids when they got  married. Then those kids wrote poems for their kids. My Dad wrote my oldest brother one when he was married.. But since he passed away it moved to me to finish it off for my siblings. My sister got married last Friday, two days ago to a wonderful man named Bryan. The love of her life. This was her poem I wrote for her.

Soulmates.
two halves of the same soul, 
joining together in life's journey.
today we went to the temple,
to seal them for eternity.


After having 2 boys,
mom was yearning for a little girl.
finally to her delight,
she got her precious pearl.


Looking through home videos,
she claims she was ignored.
but in reality,
she was greatly adored.


Not much of a sports person,
accident prone to say the least.
although, her game was soccer,
and in that she was a beast.


As she got older,
she taught herself to sing and play the guitar.
I wouldn't be surprised,
if one day she became a star.


In High School, she met her special one,
Bryan is his name.
the first time she saw him,
he was playing a basketball game.


Hanging out everyday,
he became her best friend.
laughing, joking and playing,
it seemed it would never end.


Their first kiss is quite a story,
ask their friends, it's pretty funny.
I'm sure they would rein act it,
for a little bit of money.


Bryan left for Puerto Rico on his mission,
and Colbie was very sad.
faithfully, she wrote him every month,
and of that, I'm sure, Bryan was glad.


His mission was extended,
and Colbie became stressed.
he came home on her Birthday,
that present, was surely the best.


Taking naps on our couch,
soon became a routine.
while watching 'Friends' all day,
on the big TV screen.


The engagement couldn't wait any longer,
they just had to get married.
Kylie and I taking pictures,
in the mud we were buried.


Blind folded she was,
as he got down on one knee.
he popped the big question,
"Will you marry me?"


Colbie, Dad is up in Heaven now,
but he is right by your side,
He would never miss out on the day,
that you became a bride.


Although he is not here with you to hold your hand-
and give your heart away.
to a man HE chose to take care of you,
forever from this day.
Today as you place your hand in Bryan's,
with blessings and with pride.
just remember,that Dad is by your side.


She could not have asked for a better man,
to stand beside her until the very end.
he is not only her husband,but her very, best friend.


I love you Colbie and Bryan.

College!!

Oh my goodness. So...... In less than 5 months, I will be in College. Crazy. People my age are all thinking, "in 12 months I will be in College".. But not me. 5 months!! Ahhh! I am soooo stoked for it. I am taking a bunch of online classes and I am graduating High School early. I will be graduating in December then going to Hawaii with my family for almost 2 weeks. When I return from that trip, I will pack up and head off to College. I am going to attend Dixie State down in St. George. I already have a place to stay and everything! I'm going to be rooming with my sisters old roommates. I am so stoked because I am going to be roomroommates with Alex... She is so freaking funny and I can not wait. I just want these next 5 months to go by super fast so I can get out of here, live on my own and start my life. I feel like I am growing up way too fast, but I love it. College life is going to be  a blast. Especially with the girls I will be with down there. Can't wait!

Poison Ivy...YOU SUCK!!

So about two weeks ago I started to get these enormous hives all over my arms and legs. They weren't going away so I went to my pediatrician who said I had poison ivy! Yayy me, right? So he put me on this medicine called 'prednisone'. Some dumb steroid that makes my blood sugar rocket straight up to the sky. So... naturally I am pretty grumpy about it. For the last 7 days, my blood sugar has been jumping from the 500's.. to the 600's.. back down to 100.. back up to 600. And oh is it a bundle of joy. I feel like I have been run over by a train and like there is an elephant standing on my poor head. So.. I am now up at 1:34am.. writing on my blog. Why? Because I can't sleep. At all. I've been trying, but it's not gunna happen. This medicine apparently has a bunch of caffine in it as well. So it keeps me up.. way past my bed time. I'm exhausted, but can't force my body to sleep. Oh man. Thank you so much Poison Ivy.. I love you. NOT!

Testimony Builder

Woww.. crazy what the spirit can do. So just last night, Saturday night. I got invited by a bunch of friends to go to a party. It was an 80's party and was supposed to be way fun. And clean too! It was a bunch of good people. Good LDS friends, with super high standards. But for some reason, when I was invited I had a really bad feeling that I shouldn't' go. Which really confused me right? Cuz they are all really good kids! But! None the less, I listened to the voice inside my head and heart and didn't go. Who knows? They could have gotten in an accident, something like that and I was being warned. Well.. recently my friend who invited me said.. " Hey Ali, you were right. a bunch of drunk kids crashed the party so we had to leave." Once I heard that, I was overcome with the spirit so strong. My testimony just grew about 100 times!! I love this gospel. I don't know what in the world I would do without it!